Before you begin, have you read part 1 of this article yet? It might help you understand this piece even better! ‘SOMEONE WAKE ME UP’ — Part 1: HURTING •  Click below to read it. (It is a hyperlink) :


The article mentioned above is a raw piece about toxic relationships. The subject is dark, sensitive and emotional for all the obvious reasons. Therefore, reader discretion is advised.

July 26, 2019 | 03:00 AM


This raw piece is about healing from toxic relationships. The subject is sensitive, emotional, yet uplifting and empowering.

So many times I have heard that I am not enough. That I will never be enough.
I have heard that I am broken, that I am broken beyond repair, and that no one will accept me for who I am.
It has been countless times that I have been told that I will never truly be loved. That I am not worthy of love.
I have lost track of the number of times I have been told that I have no worth. That I deserve to be treated in all the bad ways because I refuse to back down and stay silent. That I am not worthy of respect.

I have lost count of the number of times I have wanted to give up because the pain never seems to stop. It feels like a wound so deep, it is too far gone to be ever healed. And most days than not I let myself feel that defeat, especially when those pain and nightmares haunt me and hurt me in all the horrible ways! They come in waves and hit me the hardest and pull me under and drown me. And I feel too tired to even try to stay afloat and breathe. Because even breathing seems like a hell lot of work! I just want the pain and humiliation to end.

And yet a soft whisper inside of me keeps reminding me that…

“All things are temporary, even this pain. And so, this too shall pass.”

It will. It has to, right?

This pain, and being constantly thrown against the tide, and surviving every single time no matter how tired I feel will matter.  I will make sure it does. And finally, there will come a day when I thump my chest and give out my battle cry, and scare all monsters away. No nightmares will ever scare me.

Creatures like us shouldn’t be scared of nights. We are the daughters of the moon, after all, we evolve in all the phases and we revolve and never stop moving forward! We are light and dark, full and none and everything in between. No man can hold us in their palm, they can only cover their eyes as they are scared of us shining brighter than them. Do as you please, revolve around your axis. You are a force to be revered and loved. Let no one ever tell you that you are less than that.

And one day— 

  • Some shall call me ‘a witch’ and fear me.
  • Some shall call me ‘a Goddess’ and worship me.
  • Some shall call me ‘a mother’ and learn from me.
  • And some shall call me ‘a mystical wild thing’ and will be forever entranced.

However, only I would know the rollercoaster journey and the experiences that took me to finally be all of it and some more! — Let this be our little secret, and let us heal all our soul wounds. I am not alone, You are not alone. This universe connects us, and so you siphon my courage, and I will siphon yours, till we are stronger enough to not be scared of our nightmares and monsters again.

We are enough — always were, and always will be. 


© Fiona Crystal July 26, 2019 | 03:00 AM
Fiona Diaries — ‘Heartbeats and Wild Things’ • All rights reserved