The Boy In White T-shirt


“Suddenly everything was about you. And all the poems too.”

We met.

And all I can remember is the shifting of my entire universe, from above my head, and below my feet. Screech and an eventual halt, with you now in the center of it. I can still feel the vibration of the shift pulsing through me. Nothing felt sudden. Instead, the galaxies inside mine somehow fit perfectly with yours. And it was like nature. I felt it meant to be.

No love at first sight. No increased beating of the heart. Instead, it was a feeling of recognition the moment our eyes met. And suddenly everything was serene, and everything made sense. I wanted to hold you, exhale a breath of contentment and close my eyes. It was so strange and unexplained. Somehow it still is.

I didn’t know you but I knew. I have written it, or at least tried in so many different ways, to explain how it felt when we first met. And somehow there are still not enough words, enough ways to describe, except — I felt the gravity of my world change and suddenly nothing mattered, nothing existed anymore — nothing but you.

Life, heartbreaks, longing, and that forever emptiness suddenly made sense. It was you all along. All I needed was to walk through that door, while my eyes would swipe across and stop at that one in white, and look into those empty eyes. And watch them suddenly twinkle with wonder.

Those eyes so deep and lonely. Meeting You : Almost Cosmic, Surely Destined.

And I had never seen eyes so deep and lonely. And you saw that in mine too. How heartbreaking and strange is that! I knew you write & you knew I wrote too. We knew how much music meant for us emotionally. And how lonely the world felt around us. I knew things I never knew and you knew me even though we were strangers. But were we really? No. No there is no possibility you can know someone you just met. And yet there we were telling each other how we have finally found us! How hauntingly romantic is that! Almost cosmic, surely destined.

Even before you said you love me, I already knew my answer. What effects me so much and moves me, shakes me is how deeply I feel for you now. I am in tune with you so much and it is so intense that it amazes and scares me at the same time. Because, I just can’t control it, or be rational about it. And every single day it only grows deeper. I find it hard to breathe. And sometimes my heart stops to beat.

I love your voice, you know that. When it is a gentle whisper. That is what I want in my ears for the rest of my living days, and forever after that. I still don’t know why, even after all these years, I still don’t understand; I stand in the middle of the devastating chaos and still everything makes sense, with you.

I love the imperfect rough edges of you. I love the perfect soft cores of you. I don’t just love you. I love us. And everything our love stands for. Chaos and Home. Us.

Can’t believe all these years ago I didn’t know you even existed. And then suddenly we met and years after that, today I can’t imagine a world where you don’t exist.

I Love You. I will always love you. Thank You for everything!

“Dilbaroo, Tsche chuk myon zu. Me zah myul ne kah chaan’e hyu.”

You are my life. I have never met someone like you

Instagram : @fionadiaries


© Fiona Crystal July 19, 2018 | 10:27 AM
Fiona Diaries — ‘Heartbeats and Wild Things’ • All rights reserved