“I know you love her. And yet, love isn’t enough to keep going, is it? Making life-long commitments, making long-term promises, and weaving future dreams together. In all of this, you can’t just throw away the practical challenges that may come, and that do come every now and then between you two. I don’t get it. Honestly, just move on. I don’t think that the older we get, the wiser we get, that we should just allow love to be our sole anchor. No, it does not.” his brother complained.

He looked at his brother and smirked. He went quiet for a moment, and then replied, “Do you really think that I love her? Do you really think this is just about love? And do you really think that I haven’t navigated the practicalities of it all?

You are wrong. I don’t love her. I have loved quite a few in my life. As a result, I know for a fact that I do not just love her. Not at all. It is much more than just love. Whatever that comes after love, and whatever that goes beyond love… that’s what I feel for her. That’s what she means to me: way too much and way too important!

So, no. This isn’t about love or my heart. This is about my soul, my whole being, my whole life. Brother, she is my whole world, and even love isn’t enough of a description to narrate the power of my emotions for her.

I am not a fool. And I have often navigated the practicalities of our union together as a future. And with that, the endless exciting possibilities of that future with her permanently in my life till the end of my days. And I know for a fact that I will never find someone like her who makes me feel that way. It is the most wonderful, crazy chance that the universe threw at me to even find this chaotic contentment. Finding her!

This is the moment that people re-live countless times as an ultimate regret, choosing to walk away from it. I won’t. I refuse to. I have to see where this road takes me with her. If she shoots me when we reach the end of this amazing road, I will die with a smile.

This isn’t just love. This is reverence. I worship her presence. I kiss the ground beneath her as she walks. It’s like music when she laughs. And I want to watch her grow old with me by her side. Because no one ever made me feel this way. No one ever will. All of this magic, and I am the same magic to her too.

I do love her. The love that goes and feels beyond love. It’s way too intense to just call it love. I have indeed thought this through. It’s her. Only her. It will only be her. And that’s the end of this. And the beginning of us.

So brother, if you do truly love me, then please be kind to her. She deserves all the kindness in a world that has only hurt her until now. And I can’t bear to see her heartache again.”

His brother smiled, nodded, and said, “Just so you know, I am getting your future kid all the squeaky toys that make the most noise, just to irritate you. Now that’s something you can’t avoid.”

And then they both started laughing and took a sip of the beer they had forgotten during this intense conversation. The beer was now warm, and they groaned about it, yet gulped it anyway. Men. Typical men and their warm beers!

“But mommy! Did papa tell you who she was? ” The now sleepy little man next to me asked, all perplexed. I laughed, kissed his forehead, and replied, “Well yes! You call her mommy now” And first his mouth went wide open, then the obvious registered with him. He started to giggle now. He whispered, “I love you beyond love too, mommy… just like papa!”

My sweet boy was growing up so fast. I can’t believe he is turning 11 soon! I feel blessed in so many ways. Maybe this is what peace feels like! A feeling I never thought I would achieve, after a lifetime of endless pain and trauma. This world feels like beautiful chaos with my love by my side.