“You are not a wife material, but I respect you for who you are. I am so proud that you are a strong fearless woman. But you aren’t a ‘family person’, you put your personal space first.
I am sure you will find a guy that is fine with it, and you. Because you deserve to be happy after everything that you have faced.
But I don’t think my parents will be okay with you. They are my parents, I can’t do anything, if they see something they don’t like in you, and if they say something to you about it. And I don’t think you will adjust, I don’t think you want to.
But I just want you to be happy. I’ll do anything to see you happy. Anything! After all your love is the most amazing thing I have in my life!
I love you, but I don’t think we will be happy together coz my family wants my wife to be a certain way, I want my wife to adjust with the family.
And you are too ‘different’. I am the only son, and my parents have certain expectations from me, and my wife. But you are too strong and give off a vibe that you are gonna be difficult to handle. I know I never asked my parent’s permission to date you,or get intimate with you. But I can’t do anything without their approval otherwise.
But I’ll always be there for you, to support you. We just can’t get married. Coz if we do, I won’t be able to support you for who you are, or stand by you.
I love you. My heart breaks to imagine my life without you. I want to, yet I can’t marry you.
Dear girls and women of South Asia that have heard this saga endless times,
Dismantle the Patriarchy that calls your strengths as ‘flaws‘, that call your vulnerabilities ‘your weaknesses’. That constantly wants to punish you for trying to stand up against countless years of gender inequality, misogyny. A culture that villifies you, as a woman who is trying to break the vicious cycle of abuse, inequality, and servitude. A culture and men who call your emotions and mental health battles as ‘madness‘, and ‘restlessness‘, when all you are truly trying to do is seek acceptance, empathy and trying to survive. Leave these men, and dismantle this culture that calls you ‘too much’ for knowing your self worth, for not adjusting to unfairness and inequality in the name of ‘culture‘ and ‘traditions‘.
And don’t let these men – who both enjoy the privleges and suffer through the same toxic patriarchy – don’t let these men make you feel any less than the amazing strong perfectly flawed fine Human being that you are. They call you ‘difficult’, and it’s okay. We are all supposed be complex individuals, you just know your self worth and you stand your ground. And that takes strength, strength that they envy. You are difficult for them, because they don’t want to make an effort for you. So, keep being ‘difficult‘. Protect your space.
And when someone will truly love you, they will be with you no matter what. They will try, and they will fight against everything to make sure that you are part of their lives in all the ways you want, need, and deserve. They will not bow down, or ask you to bow down to the toxic cycle of being forced to accept the poison of servitude in the name of ‘gratitude’ and ‘duty‘ from his parents, not yours. They will happily break the vicious cycle that their parents, and those before them fell victim to as well. No more conditioning, no more in the name of ‘adjusting‘, ‘culture’ or ‘family acceptance’.
Know your worth, and love yourself enough to not be with men like these. It’s okay to hurt and grief, but put self worth above love…always. A true love, a good partner will never ask you to choose between the two. For they will know that loving means, loving all of you.
My darling, you are so powerful! Love every part of you.
♡ XOXO ♡