The Vicious Cycle Of Loving Unworthy People

“Hum apne life mein kitta faltu logo pe faltu time waste karte hain na?” — I wrote to him one day.

We waste so much time in our life on unworthy people, trusting their words and searching for the good in them.

And life is so unexpected. We don’t know what will happen next, and to whom. And still, we keep running after people who aren’t worth our time. When instead we can use that time to love ourselves and share it with someone who actually loves us back, in a true sense.

It’s hard to figure out what the other person truly wants. Or if you both want the same things. Or how genuine you are or the other person. So we rely on their words, their promises, and our feelings towards them.

We all start friendships and relationship with a hope that it will be permanent, but some where down the line we stop making efforts for each other.

Then again we are back to circle one.

All because one stops valuing the other, stop caring for the other, and stops supporting the other. Hell! even stops understanding the other. We stop thinking as a unit, and we start thinking individually. And for one: it is selfish because what one does will impact the other. And two: I think it is unfair because both consensually came together solely because both wanted the other to care for them the way no one else did, would, or can. You know…that level of intimacy, connection, and understanding. After a point, one stops respecting that or considering how it can negatively impact the other person they so much claim to love. Or maybe they just stop giving a damn, when they should be doing everything to try to fix the rough edges of the relationship – that by the way will come time and again in any relationship. And that’s the test of the love, or the claims of it – who will stick and make it work, who will run. Efforts you know, efforts…or the utter lack of it. No respect for the time and expectations that each other put into the relationship. No accountability, no regard for the pain and hurt it will cause.

Then one person gives and gives, and the other only takes. Never returns the same favor or same level of love. And will let their ego take control, instead of their heart or even mind!

With love, comes accountability that you can’t run away from. The accountability that you can’t run away from the consequences of your actions towards the other person.

When you are with someone, when you love each other what one does will impact the other person and their wellbeing. There is a cause, and effect that one simply cannot run away from, or ignore. When you agreed to be emotionally involved, you automatically agreed to this too. This is exactly why it is a partnership between two people — emotionally, mentally, and physically. All other partnerships and responsibilities towards each other come from these three things. You are responsible for yourself, and towards each other, like it or not.

If you aren’t capable of this, then you shouldn’t be with anyone…until you understand and accept this. You can’t simply play with people’s feelings, and their well-being and walk away freely. You are an adult. You consented to this, and all that comes with it the moment you became connected with someone. That is what love is. Love isn’t just bare-to-the-bones emotions that accelerate your heart, it is so much more. Two humans entangle themselves willingly, and what one does will impact the other.

This is what being an adult is, what love is, what relationship is, ‘connection’ is — acknowledging each other, our and their vulnerabilities, and being mindful of all of it.

This is a subscription we simply cannot cancel. No matter how much we want. There is no escape.

He replied — “I understand what you mean. Like after sometime…it generally happens may be because of lack of values for such things. May be they weren’t genuine from the start etc. There could be so many reasons to think of, but it you don’t feel happy anymore which could happen with anyone, you don’t feel that you are being treated with the care and understanding that you so deserve, you should leave.

I agreed, and I wrote back: And you know I wasn’t talking about just one particular person. But just like, how many times should we rebuild and restart? After a point it gets exhausting. And there is always a fear of restarting the cycle again. Then we are scared to trust or even give our 100%. And afraid to expect. It feels like you are just running on and on away into a pointless journey.

We begin to be scared of trust, expectations, and vulnerabilities. We are scared to hope. And that is the cruelest, heartless and inhumane act one can do to another person. Without hope, there is nothing left to cling to. Without vulnerabilities, there is no experiencing humane emotions of what it means to be alive. There is no reason to go on.

After a point, we are stripped of all the things that make our soul raw, intense, and content. Our mind is stripped of security. It’s all chaos, heartbreak, and loneliness. And all that why? All because one person who was supposed to love every part of us, through better or worse, through our weaknesses and strengths, the one person who promised to catch us when we fell for them… they didn’t catch us, even worse…they chose to not to catch us, to care for our wellbeing. No responsibility just up and left. They just let us hit the rock bottom and expected us to ‘deal with it’, the consequences of their actions with zero accountability they would ever take up.

So I begin to ask myself — “Is it my greatest strength, or my biggest flaw to keep hoping and keep loving? Should I stop believing in love, stop believing in happy endings? Love is already rare in this world, true love is even rare. Is it stupid to keep believing in that kind of soulful love, and a genuine lover?

Because how long am I willing to let myself go down this path, only to keep getting ruined!”