“When someone is constantly running behind you with scissors to chop your wings off, you start to fly higher so that even their voice can’t reach you.: [….click to read the full post]
Women are so stubborn and hell-bent to stand their ground because the society is constantly working against women.
— Always trying to strip us off of our authority, our dignity, our rights, our identity, our aspirations, our freedom. Even our simple wish to be left alone without interference from the world isn’t respected. What we wear, our marital status, how much we weight, what time we come home, who we bed etc blah blah blah….the list goes on. If the world constantly tries to control you, dictate you and judge you…you too would be ‘paranoid‘ and ‘defensive‘.
When someone is constantly running behind you with scissors to chop your wings off, you start to fly higher so that even their voice can’t reach you.
I am not coming down to hear what you got to say, because you never shut up and never pause to listen to what we have to say. I am not coming down only for you to chop my wings off. Those tricks won’t work anymore on our cold dead heart. We are fighters because we have to fight to get even the smallest of control over our own damn life. So, can you blame us for not smiling anymore?
When your only defense to support your dehumanization and subjugation of women is — “But we are stronger, and we protect you, we hunted for you.” — Well, congratulations!! you are a guard dog, not a leader. Leadership isn’t about physical strength. And talking about physical strength — You won’t survive even a quarter of pain that women go through, just physically, in our lifetime.
You say that we are always defensive and offended. If you too had to constantly defend your basic rights, your character, even your life…all the time, you would always be on edge as well. When we finally rage, don’t blame it on our periods to degrade us and call us crazy, we might start using that to our advantage. We know how to get rid of blood stains after all! You constantly ask us to prove our ‘femininity’. Who the hell are you to question us? We do not want your validation. You tell us that we want dominance over the world, replacing all the men. We don’t really. All we want is gender equity, but you know what? F*ck that!
Because finally, I know you were right.
We are not your equals, we are better than you. We are superior to you.
The birthers and nurtures of humanity will snatch their rights from you. No more demanding equality. No. Because anything you can do, we do it bleeding. We do it with hormones messing up our body and mind. We do it despite society constantly working against us.
We, the cis-women, the trans-women, the non-binary; we, the gender fluids, the intersex — anyone that identifies with some or all degree of femininity — we are better than you. You talk about femininity like it is a fragile thing or a weakness.
The truth is that femininity is the quality of nurturing and deeper connection with nature. It means greater emotional intelligence and better multitasking. Femininity is leadership. Feminity is helping society become compassionate, sensitive and thoughtful. Femininity is not a weakness. It is a strength. And those who think otherwise are scared that if women get true equality, we will treat men like they treat us. What they do not know is we have no interest in oppression. Women empower each other and we empower society. And that is precisely why women are superior human beings who shouldn’t limit themselves to begging for equality. Instead, we need to snatch what is ours and fight for the rights of minorities that are oppressed. You didn’t question your mama’s strength when she was going through all that pain to birth you. Did you? Now you call us weak? We aren’t. However, you sure are. Or you wouldn’t feel the constant need to pull us down, to feel better about yourself.
Women are superior to you. So, thank you for changing my mind. My cold dead heart doesn’t care about your fragile ego anymore. And one day, we shall finally achieve true gender equity. Until then, I am no more begging for equality. I am simply going to work hard to snatch our rights back from our oppressors, just like so many other amazing women. I will take back my rights, and then some more, multiplied by interests added up for at least a couple thousand years of Misogyny.
And to all those sexism enablers that are conditioned into internalized misogyny; all the complicit women who act ‘the devil’s advocate’ — (along with those who excuse their transphobia by denying the identity of trans-women and non-binary folks by reducing the femininity and womanhood to just physical reproductive organs and childbearing ability) — I have this wonderful article by Dina Ley for you to read. It is called: You Are Not Equal. I’m Sorry.
“Say thank you. Say thank you to the women who gave you a voice. Say thank you to the women who were arrested and imprisoned and beaten and gassed for you to have a voice. Say thank you to the women who refused to back down, to the women who fought tirelessly to give you a voice. Say thank you to the women who put their lives on hold, who –lucky for you — did not have “better things to do” than to march and protest and rally for your voice. So you don’t feel like a “second class citizen.” So you get to feel “equal.”
You can make your own choices, speak and be heard, vote, work, control your body, defend yourself, defend your family, because of the women who marched. You did nothing to earn those rights. You were born into those rights. You did nothing, but you reap the benefits of women, strong women, women who fought misogyny and pushed through patriarchy and fought for you. And you sit on your pedestal, a pedestal you are fortunate enough to have, and type. A keyboard warrior. A fighter for complacency. An acceptor of what you were given. A denier of facts. Wrapped up in your delusion of equality.”
While you blindly try to pull us all down with you — I will fight for your rights as well, just like all those wonderful women of our previous generations did. You are welcome!
And you know what? We shall also fight for men to spare them from the patriarchal notion and pressure of toxic masculinity. Because when you are a leader, you take everyone with you and ensure their well being. Even if that means looking out for the well being of those who are hell-bent on subjugating us and reducing us to lesser or no equal rights.
“For people who come from privilege, equality feels like oppression.”
It is alright to be angry. About goddamn time! This is the time to rave with vexation. And scream…
Scream on top of your lungs, like a siren, so no one can drown your words, ever again.
Do you know why people are afraid of you and all your movements to empower women?
People are scared of your revolution, and your empowerment, because people are scared of angry Goddesses. Hell! Ask Indians. Ask the Greeks. They all know the havoc these Goddesses break when it gets too much, that they have to finally take matters in their own hand. They arrive when even the Gods have been defeated in saving humanity. They ascend to earth to slay the evil themselves. The anger consumes them, and rightfully so because how can you not feel that anger, after looking at all that trauma and pain within you and around you!!
So let me tell you this: Women, you got to be damn angry.
Make them shake from fear. Let them be so fearful that they need to re-evaluate their life choice and actions around women. Let them shake with fear and shame. Till they themselves who are guilty of that behavior and thought process end up making a list of ‘does and don’ts’ that will control their lives thereafter.
Because they have made the women live with the same fear and shame for centuries forcing us to stay quiet. They have forced the list of ‘Dos & Don’ts’ to parents of the baby girls that are born to restrict their lives, just to ensure their baby girl’s safety in this world of witch hunters. And this is the same list every woman knows of to faithfully follow to be safe.
So make them shake. Fill yourself with raving rage. Don’t feel any shame & guilt to finally ascend and take control of the narrative and this whole damn world. And laugh with ‘hysteria’ standing on the ruins of the fragile masculinity and complicit femininity. Go own that crazy ‘hysteria’ that the world has forever shamed you of suffering from.
Dear women, don’t stop being crazy fucking angry, till you restore the balance of this damn world.
Be that angryGoddess that frightens both Heaven and Hell.
Dear confused Men,
I know you feel a sense of fear right now. We want you to be acutely self-aware when you are alone with a woman. Because it is time for you to be vulnerable instead. We want you to re-evaluate your every move before you touch a woman before you crack that sexist joke before you even interact with us. And we want you to be on your self aware toes around us.
Welcome to the scary sexist land that women have been trying to barely survive in. In case of confusion, simply ask women. It is not so hard to navigate a world where women are treated as an equal human being that deserves the same level of respect and personal boundaries. We constantly tell you about boundaries, which you often hear as ‘nagging and complains’. All you need to do is quietly start to listen. And follow our lead for once.
We, the women, are really tired, and our toes hurt from walking on eggshells around you. I don’t see any good man being resentful or protesting. No man that is respectful towards women, is scared right now. No man. Because they understand consent.
And those of you who are offended by the idea of having to respect women’s personal boundaries and consent…well, you have outed your misogynistself.
There are only two sides of an abortion debate: Pro-Choice AND Anti-Choice.
There is no such thing as pro-life.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of the children who are placed in orphanages and foster homes. You don’t care about the children who are never adopted. Those who suffer from unstable childhood shifting through foster homes. Those who are forever scarred because they never get to experience the love, safety, and security of parents. Those who grow up suffering violence and abuse and there is no one to give them a better place, another chance in society. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of the children you restrict by not allowing same-sex parents to adopt them. You stop them from having a second chance in life, you stop a loving family to multiply. Simply because your bigotry and your hate for non-heterosexual and non-cis-gender people are more important than the happiness and well being of the children who you are robbing an opportunity of being part of a functioning family unit. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of the LGBTQ+ children that you simply won’t accept. You would throw them into conversion therapy, torture, humiliation, murder, bullying. You would throw them out of your houses the moment you find out their existence do not align with your religious and cultural beliefs. You would rather let those children grow alone or die than to give up your own outdated hateful beliefs and respect the sanctity of their life. In fact, you would deny children the medical care they need, even if their lives are in danger, simply because their parents are a same-sex couple. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of the children who are victims of wars and violence. You don’t care about the lives of the children trying to cross borders to seek shelter in a safer environment, for a better life. You don’t care about the lives of the children who die every day in bombings and wars as mere ‘collateral damage‘. You don’t care about the lives of children living in countries that are suffering from poverty and are starving to death. You don’t care about the lives of children who are fleeing violence, who regularly drown in the sea after their little dingy carrying them turns upside down and their tiny bodies wash ashore. You do not care about the lives of the children who have lost their lives in gun violence and are constantly in danger of becoming a victim of yet another mass shooting. You do not care about the lives of the children of color who are regularly treated as non-human, who suffer from racism, xenophobia and police brutality. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of children who suffer and have suffered sexual violence in the hands of the religious men who are supposed to uphold morality, and yet snatch and murder the innocence and destroy the mind and bodies of the little children. While everyone else turns a blind eye and continues praying for their God under the same damn roof that they call a sacred place of worship. The same place that upholds your religious beliefs that you then use to discriminate and dehumanize people of the LGBTQ+ community. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the lives of the people who are constantly sent into wars that they never asked to be in, in countries they never know, to kill people they never want to. And if they return alive, you do not care about the quality of life they will have living with that trauma and without proper medical care. You do not care about the quality of life and psychological well being of war veterans, army personnel in active duty, and that of their families. You simply use them as ‘pawns’ to use them as a token of false patriotism and politics, as and when you please. Your countries hire them to either protect your sovereignty or you send them to wars – risking their lives. Yet you turn your back towards these people once they come back home, broken and forever changed. And you turn your back towards these people if they are immigrants, or are from the LGBTQ+ community. No, you aren’t pro-life if you strip the trans-people of their army uniforms and dignity, yet do not care when they risk their lives or kill others while following orders on behalf of your countries. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of people who die every day, because they couldn’t afford medicine or treatment that would keep them alive. Despite the fact that they pay their taxes all their lives. You do not care about the people suffering from serious medical conditions and financial pressure because of the health industry and the big Pharma suffocating them with the cost of unaffordable basic health care, hospital bills and medicines that sometimes take less than 2% to produce compared to the rate at which they are sold in the market. There are people dying because they can’t afford to buy their insulin, and you simply do not care. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life if you support death sentence of criminals. Aren’t they alive too? And what if an innocent person is wrongfully imprisoned and sentenced to death, and then you can never bring them back or set them free? It happens all the time. We all know it. You aren’t pro-life if you rather see a woman or her doctor get the death penalty or life imprisonment for getting or performing an abortion. While you care less about their lives and the lives of their families. And the rapists barely get punished. In fact, a lot of times you give the rapists the paternal rights to share the child with their victim, who you have now re-victimized for the rest of their life. These men who rape women and impregnate them in the process, you even give them the power to decide the fate of the fetus, while you snatch that right from the women! Her life matters. Her rights matter.
You aren’t pro-life because you put the entire responsibility on the woman, while no one cares about the man who made her pregnant. No one punishes the man who impregnated her. No one cares about how she will emotionally, physically and financially carry a child to term and raise it on her own – all because she was either a victim of rape or consensually decided to have sex with a man. You force her to be a mother of the child she didn’t want- for the rest of her life. Yet you talk about forgiving men for their mistakes, ask us to move past it instead of holding them accountable for their actions, mistakes, and even horrible crimes. The argument to look past the history of sexual assault, and the subsequent appointment of the recent Supreme Court Judge of the United States: Brett Michael Kavanaugh, and a slap-on-the-wrist punishment for rapists like Brock Turner are searing examples. You care about ‘not ruining the lives’ of these men, yet you would ruin the lives of the women. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life. If you were, you would pass mandatory vasectomy laws, you would freely allow women to tie their tubes, you would give free contraceptives, medical care, sex education classes and anything that would prevent accidental pregnancies. You would destroy the rape culture and the culture of misogyny. You would implement strict rape laws that would prevent rapes and sexual violence. In fact, if you were truly pro-life you would talk about prohibiting male masturbation because every sperm is ‘alive’, swimming, has a sense of smell and detect temperatures and is a viable life form that has a chance to form into a living human being. Yet you only care about women’s eggs! You somehow do not see the stupidity behind talking against women masturbation or them choosing to take contraceptives. And I really do not know whether to laugh or to cry over the logical fallacies and lack of knowledge about the basic biology and sex education that people and politicians use as debate points to infringe the sexual and reproductive rights of women. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of the woman who was raped, who is now pregnant but don’t want the baby. Inside her, the fetus grows, attached to her body. Using her body and her space and her nourishment. It is only inside her that the fetus can survive because it is merely an extra organ of her, a zygote, a mass of multiplying cells, a parasite, that is not a full human until it can survive on its own. You do not care about her trauma or her pain, you do not actually care about her life. And yet you call yourself ‘pro-life’! Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the state of life of the young girl, who has barely stepped into puberty but is pregnant. She is pregnant because she was sexually abused by someone close to her. Repeatedly. And she is too young to understand. Her life as she knows it…will forever change if her little body carries the baby to full term – i.e if her little body even survives the childbirth. Her mind and soul will forever be scarred. She is confused and her mommy’s heart is breaking into million pieces because there is nothing she can do to protect her baby girl from more pain, except aborting that fetus growing inside her tiny body. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a young woman, who is pregnant. She is from an ethnic community, where she will bring ‘shame‘ upon the family if they find out she is pregnant. Her community will ostracize her or her family. No one will ever respect her, accept her, or marry her in the community. Or worse she may be murdered to restore ‘honor’ to her family. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a teenager who is pregnant. She is pregnant because she didn’t know much about contraceptives, didn’t have proper sex education. No one properly talked to her at home or school about it, at least yet. And now she is pregnant but knows that carrying the baby will destroy her life and she will have to drop out of school. She isn’t ready to raise a child. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is pregnant because her contraceptives failed. She was ‘responsible‘, was ‘careful‘, yet her she is holding a positive pregnancy test. Barely holding on because she knows she can’t carry this child. She does not want this child. She can not afford this child. A child that will be part of her life for the rest of her living days, and she is not yet ready mentally and financially to carry that responsibility. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is pregnant because the condom her partner used broke. She suffers from various chronic health complications and if she carries this fetus to full term her body wouldn’t be able to bear that 9 months of extreme hormonal, physical and mental change. Her body will break beyond repair. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is pregnant because her prescription medicine interfered with her contraceptives. She suffers from various mental health conditions. She is lying on the floor curled in a ball crying because all she wants is to have this baby, and yet she knows that she isn’t mentally strong enough to handle the responsibility of another life. She can barely handle her own. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is pregnant because her abusive partner either took off his condom without her permission or raped her…because he wanted to ‘lock her in’ forever with him by forcing her to have their child. She had finally picked up enough courage to leave him, and now she is facing a prospect of a life with her abuser forever in it! She is scared to death. Her life matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is pregnant because the doctors she had constantly begged to tie her tubes, wouldn’t do it for “she might want a child in future“. She knows that she will not. Not ever. She can’t take contraceptives or the morning after pill because she struggles with hormone issues and any of that will wack her hormone balance, that she already struggles to maintain. Her health has been a never-ending nightmare. She doesn’t want the baby. She can’t handle the responsibility. She isn’t ready to be a mother yet. And a child is a commitment of a lifetime: that costs countless emotions, time, energy and money. She can not afford to spare any of those. She does not want to. And she owes no one any explanation about what she wants to do with her body and the fetus attached to her insides is her body. Her life matters. Her choice matters.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the life of a woman who is pregnant. She is a living breathing human who needs all the help that she can get to choose to safely terminate her pregnancy. She will do anything in her power to abort on her own if her state/country has taken away her reproductive right and body’s autonomy. She will do anything in her power to go through an abortion, even if it means putting her life on the line. Her life matters.
Women have been aborting unwanted pregnancies, since the beginning of the time, for thousands of years with or without help from others. Women suffer from natural miscarriages all the time. They have been putting their health and their lives at risk if they didn’t get proper medical attention to ensure their body was clean post the loss of pregnancy. And it will continue to happen nevertheless. The least we can ensure is they get medical attention, and to provide them with a safer environment in case of deliberate or natural termination of pregnancy. Women matter. Their lives matter.
Because you aren’t pro-life about the quality of life of the child that you have forced the poor woman or that young girl to give birth to. You do not care about what happens to either one, once they are born. You don’t care if they have the money to eat, survive, to buy clothes and get an education. You don’t care how they will stay afloat, how they will live. And yet you call yourself pro-life and intend to force women into birthing babies.
You aren’t pro-life. You are anti-choice.
You are forcing your own personal and religious beliefs into the lives of those who do not share yours. You are interfering in their lives and their bodies, you are taking away their rights, body autonomy, their freedom while you are protecting yours. You are imposing terror in the lives of young girls and women. You are putting their health, their mental, physical and financial well being in danger. You are not pro-life. You are a hypocrite. A sexist anti-woman, anti-choice hypocrite.
If you are so proud of your belief then thump your chest and call yourself just that. And while you are at it…hug the pro-disease people tight. You all belong together — in the middle ages. You have no place in today’s society where you can pick and choose your sins, and what science and technology to follow. While you throw stones at others, judge them and mock modern science. “If God willed a pregnancy, it should be celebrated.”
However, “If God didn’t will us to have a choice, we wouldn’t be allowed the knowledge to build technology to abort it.” Also, God wills miscarriages too. Because how else does it naturally happen?
If you respect the sanctity of life so much, start with respecting the lives of the women who are already living and breathing. Respect the lives of children who are already born. Respect the lives of people of colors and those of the LGBTQ+ community. Respect the life of Earth. And that of the species and plants that exist. Because those are the ones who matter.
That zygote that is currently inside that woman’s body? That isn’t a viable human yet because it can’t survive outside her body. The one that starts as a part of her own body, and turns into a ‘parasite’ until it is ready to come out and survive on its own? Well, that is none of your damn business.
Her body. Her fertilized egg. Her ovaries. Her organs. Her choice. She is not a potential mother with a fertilized womb. She is a human being.
The woman and her life, her health, her body, her well being, her rights, her consent matters first and foremost. She is more than a potential mother, she is more than a mere gestational carrier or vessel. She is a living, breathing human being after all and her life should matter over a mass of multiplying cells that is yet to form a human body and survive on its own. She is an actual human being. She matters. And she should matter.
Come check on the baby, worry about its life and help both the mother and the child after the new human is born. Stop the wars, end the death penalty, go vegan, open your borders and allow others to live a better life, help the homeless and do something to help stop global warming — then call yourself a pro-life.
Also, since no one cares or protests about the ‘rights’ of the embryo in the fertility clinics, however, talk about the one inside the woman….it is extremely clear that people wanting to or forcing the creation and implementation of anti-abortion law do not really care about the embryo. They don’t want to protect the embryo’s ‘life’, they simply want to restrict a woman’s right on her own damn body. They want to control women’s ‘lives’. A constant reminder that a dead body has more right than the living breathing human female. And everyone should take a moment to sink this in.
Your religion, your culture, your beliefs, your body — not my business.
My religion (or lack thereof), my culture, my beliefs, my body — not your business.
You are not ‘pro-life’. You are anti-choice.
Just have the damn courage to stand your ground and stay it out loud that you want to take away woman’s freedom, their dignity, their right over their own body.
That for you a woman is not intelligent enough to make decisions about her own body, that she is less than a man. At least the sexists, misogynist men were frank about it. While you are a hypocrite hiding behind moot sentences stating your respect for ‘sanctity of life’, and ‘religion’.
Come out and say it to the babies who are, and will be forced to birth babies of their rapists. Say it to the women who have, who do and who will die bleeding after an unsafe abortion. Say it to the children who are forced to visit and call their mother’s rapist “dad” because the court has given him the parental right. Say it to the babies thrown away, abandoned or left to die. Say it to the children in foster care who will never have a stable childhood or the orphans in orphanages who will never get adopted. Say it to the children molested by priests and those killed in the war, and those who starve to death. Say it to the woman who is unable to raise her child she will be forced to birth because she doesn’t have the means.
Because it seems like no one cares about the ‘life’ of all the little girls or the women, and that of the babies…once they come out of us.
Mind your own uterus. And if you have none, then shut up.
For women, it is not about just the right to abortion. But the right to privacy and reproductive control and autonomy over their own bodies. It is about their freedom and dignity. For women, this is a fight of life and death. And it is shame that even today, we still are debating over the fact that whether or not women are human beings enough to just let them exercise what is best for their own bodies and lives.
It is time that we start regulating guns and wars, instead of women’s bodies and their basic human rights.
And unless if you have the orphanage, war, poverty, starvation, sexual violence, abuse, health care, education, etc. crisis handled…don’t come to women and think of forcing them to carry a child to full term and birth them into this world that neither cares about them, nor the well being of their babies. Babies – that these women never wanted in th first place. Babies that the world forgets after they are born.
It is amazing to think that people only care about the viability and the ‘life’ of a fetus and treat it as a full grown human being if it is inside the women’s bodies. No one cares about the ones lying in the Petri dishes in fertility clinics. It was never about the fetus, therefore, instead was about controlling the women’s bodies. It isn’t about the ‘life’, instead is an attempt to snatch the women’s choice…once again. Such a shame it is that people would take their Lord’s name in vain as an excuse for their bigotry, and then proceed with more hypocrisy and call it their right to take away other’s rights!
You are not ‘pro-life’. You are anti-choice.
Because if you were, we wouldn’t be standing on this crossroads. I wouldn’t be opening up my old wounds to explain to you about why my life as a full grown human being, my rights, and life as a woman matters more, and you wouldn’t be putting the life of an unborn fetus above the life of the woman whom you want to force to carry as your own personal incubator.
Banning abortion is just a gateway. Next, it is legally murdering women for suffering a miscarriage. Taking away the right over their own lives and their own bodies. Regardless of the circumstances or choices. If you really cared about ‘unborn life’, you would nip the veins of the men to stop their seeds to sprout new lives. Women can only give birth to a baby once in a year, however, a man has no limit of how many women he can impregnate with his child! Yet we aren’t regulating women’s bodies and choice.
‘Pro-life’….really?
Being ‘pro-choice’ doesn’t mean not caring about the lives of the children or that of the unborn fetus. It essentially means caring about the lives and rights of the women first and foremost, before that of the multiplying mass of cells that are not yet fully formed humans. It means prioritizing and respecting the life of a living breathing woman, over that of a potential human being that can’t yet survive outside of a womb.
Being ‘pro-choice’ means not treating women as potential baby-making vessels. Instead, it means to treat her as a person of her own who is and should be free to make the choices regarding her body, and what’s inside of her. Being pro-choice means being pro-life: respecting the life of women, along with caring about the lives of children that are already born and need us.
Not of the men and their sperms – responsible for causing the pregnancy. But instead, of the women whom you see as mere baby makers, not actual human beings that are truly alive.
Do you know how anti-abortion laws work against even women who do not want an abortion, yet who loses their unborn because they suffer a natural miscarriage? Go read and learn about Savita Halappanavar
Also, take a moment to learn about anti-choice laws do to desperate women. Take a moment to learn about Geraldine “Gerri” Santoro’
Illustration by Julia Kuo
“In 1973, Ms. magazine published a haunting photo of a woman named Gerri Santoro, who’d died of a back-alley abortion. At the time, no one could have predicted what an impact it would have on the pro-choice movement.” – By Amanda Arnold
(You can read the rest of the article about her by clicking the direct links under bibliography. I want you to google the actual photo of her, her lifeless body in a pool of blood. I want you to read what happened to her and Savita Halappanavar, and how desperate and in pain, they were in. How their last moments must have been. I want you to know what desperate women have to do. I want you to remember that there were and are hundreds and thousands of women and young girls that have suffered the exact same pain and will continue to if we do not fix this society. And may it stay in your memory forever.)
Just pray to whatever higher power you bow your head down to, just pray that no one that you love (not even your worst of enemies) ever suffer like Geraldine did. Because of the way we are headed at right now, we have clearly forgotten the horrible history of the sufferings of women. And it looks like we haven’t learned our lesson yet, and so the universe has thrown us back to relieve and suffer through it again. We were supposed to be in a time of flying cars, yet here we are still taking away women’s rights and dignity….here we are where women are looking for coat hangers and making peace with the fact that they might end up bleeding to death just like Geraldine Santoro or Savita Halappanavar.
1973 • 2012 • 2019 …
We are still fighting the same fights. A woman’s well being, life and body autonomy are still up for debate for the men in power and those of anti-choice people. Why can’t we just let women be? Our body. Our choice. This is not a world I would want my daughter to live in. From Global warming to basic Human Rights…it is no wonder Millennials are choosing to have the lowest number of children compared to any other generation in the past. And our future generation will be left with the barren earth and no human rights that hundreds and thousands of people before us fought and died for us to enjoy today.
We deserve better. We can do better.
Look at us! A living breathing woman still has fewer rights than an unfertilized egg, she has less autonomy over her own body than that of a dead corpse. While the little swimmers that are alive and swimming – despite carrying the DNA imprint of the man it came out of – flush down the drains every day. And yet in a twisted way, somehow that is okay, while women are being denied contraceptives – because our unfertilized egg is somehow a ‘potential life’!! Science, common sense, humanity, human rights, and compassion is all thrown out of the window. This is what happens in a society where women give birth to men and give them the entire world to run. The Goddesses need to reclaim our power. We used to be Shamans, witches, healers, mothers, leaders, warriors and now here we are on the mercy of the patriarchy and religions and laws deliberately written by misogynists. Here we are dying of septic shocks for being denied medical treatment for suffering a natural miscarriage. Here we are still bleeding to death, or twisting the coat hangers inside our bodies. Suffering.
This was not an easy article to write. Not just the content and the word count, even the emotions were high, and at one point became too much to handle. And also one would think that there would be thousands of academic papers and government data available online for us to go through to research from. Yet, I was disappointed to find most of them from at least a decade old statistics.
We all happen to choose our respective side on the abortion debate, yet we still lack the effort to research about this very personal subject and the impact on the women who had to go through it, and who will have to take the difficult choice to undergo abortion in future. We bring religion and our bigotry in it, yet we fail to see it from a humane, psychological, emotional and physiological perspective on behalf of the women and their autonomy over their reproductive organs and reproductive choices. Yet we are quick to agree on the separation of Govt. from our lives in terms of regulation such as Gun and way of worship!
A maximum of 1 in 4 women and a minimum of 1 in 7 women will have an abortion in their lifetime. This data does not even include the hundreds and thousands of illegal abortions that women undergo worldwide either due to the restrictive anti-abortion laws, or lack of proper health care systems in their respective countries.
However, one thing is clear: It will be someone you know, someone in your family, someone close to you. And while these women will not shout it from the rooftops, you must know that it wasn’t an easy choice for them to make. Abortion is not like choosing which flavored ice cream you want to have, or which outfit to wear. And when they all read our constant debates about them and the way we reduce them to potential wombs, instead of a living human being. They read how people refer to them as murderers, monsters and garbage human beings for making a choice that was agonizing and yet best for them.
Maybe we all lost humanity a long time ago. Some of us are clinging on to straws. And may the holy almighty save us all, because us ‘Heathens’ are fighting for humanity, while the people claiming to be religious are using their lord’s name in vain to profit their agenda. And I hope what happened to the dinosaurs, happens to us. Because we are just so hell-bent on living in the past. We deserve to be fossils already.
There was no way that I could finish writing this without my heart breaking into thousands of pieces. There were too many things personal about this subject to keep this from being as professional, unbiased and as impersonal as I originally intended it to be. Since this is such a raw subject, I simply couldn’t finish this piece without tears falling down my eyes. So, here I am finally finishing this piece exactly a month after I began writing it. After all, I am a woman too. And I am only human!
What is the point of being human, if we aren’t humane?
Why do people choose not to believe sexual violence/DV survivors, even when in some cases they have been a survivor themselves? And how does it helps further the Rape culture?
Answer: CONFIRMATION BIAS + INFORMATION BIAS = COGNITIVE BIAS
What is Cognitive bias?
A cognitive bias is a systematic pattern of deviation from norm or rationality in judgment. Individuals create their own “subjective social reality” from their perception of the input. An individual’s construction of social reality, not the objective input, may dictate their behavior in the social world. Thus, cognitive biases may sometimes lead to perceptual distortion, inaccurate judgment, illogical interpretation, or what is broadly called irrationality.
In an article written by Kendra Cherry: How Cognitive Biases Influence How You Think and Act –Innate Mental Shortcuts in Information Processing and Interpreting, the author breaks down types of cognitive bias. Some of those are :
Confirmation Bias: A confirmation bias is a type of cognitive bias that involves favoring information that confirms your previously existing beliefs or biases. This is favoring information that conforms to your existing beliefs and discounting evidence that does not conform.
“If you’re like most people, you honestly believe that your convictions are rational, logical, and impartial, based on the result of years of experience and objective analysis of the information you have available. In reality, all of us are susceptible to a tricky problem known as confirmation bias—our beliefs are often based on paying attention to the information that upholds them while at the same time tending to ignore the information that challenges them.
Confirmation biases impact how we gather information, but they also influence how we interpret and recall information. For example, people who support or oppose a particular issue will not only seek information to support it, they will also interpret news stories in a way that upholds their existing ideas. They will also remember details in a way that reinforces these attitudes.”
Halo Effect: Your overall impression of a person influences how you feel and think about his or her character.
Functional Fixedness: This is the tendency to see objects as only working in a particular way.
Anchoring Bias: This is the tendency to rely too heavily on the very first piece of information you learn.
What is Information bias?
Information bias is also a cognitive bias to seek information when it does not affect action. And not want to believe something until ‘they won’t get enough information’ to conclude against it. An example of information bias is believing that the more information that can be acquired to make a decision, the better. Even if that extra information is irrelevant for the decision.
In casual and simple term — ‘Information Bias’ is a refusal in believing something, if the subject of the problem is someone/something you personally like/dislike. You stand by your conclusion and think ‘if only you had more evidence to prove otherwise’. In reality, you will only be affirmative to your own confirmation. Just like in epidemiology, the Information bias/observation bias refers to bias arising from measurement error, similarly, an individual bias will arise from their judgment error.
‘Confirmation Bias’ is the refusal to believe a set of information even if you have information that might prove otherwise. Cherry picking information. And therefore, you choose to either think facts that go against your bias, as a ‘conspiracy’ or decide it is easier to ignore and look the other way, while you continue to hold on to what you think is ‘right’.
In the 1960s, cognitive psychologistPeter Cathcart Wason conducted a number of experiments known as Wason’s rule discovery task. He demonstrated that people have a tendency to seek information that confirms their existing beliefs.
This bias prevents us from looking at things clearly and factually. Further, it influences the decisions we make and can lead to poor or faulty choices. That said, once we understand our cognitive bias and accept the fact that it does exist, we can make an effort to recognize it by working to be curious about opposing views and really listening to what others have to say and why. We can EVOLVE.
You only want to be angry, offended or believe it, if it personally happens to you or someone you love. Or if the perpetrator is someone you hold a negative opinion about. Otherwise, you choose not to believe it, and you victim blame or slut shame the survivor instead. You even choose sides with the accused, if the issue or accused misconduct doesn’t personally affect you in any way. And this is exactly why Rape Culture is so prevalent, and why a lot of people dismiss ‘Me Too’ and the ‘Times Up’ movements, including some women. Because it is difficult to overcome gender bias, or even political bias for that matter, not to forget: stereotypes.
People tend to find it difficult to go against everything they have been conditioned into believing as a ‘non-issue’ and ‘acceptable’. Or grown to think of an accused in a positive way in the past, or if you share an emotional bond with them.
The truth is a person can be a ‘good human’ in one aspect of their life or social circle but a ‘monster‘ in other. This is exactly what happens in Domestic Violence cases & similarly in sexual crimes. In fact, most people know that and still choose to side with the perpetrator. And that is simply because they believe that the perpetrator’s actions has not and will not in any way…affect them. Or their personal bias allows them to find excuses for the wrong behavior — intensify the excuses by including blatant victim blaming, slut shaming, and right away be dismissive of the victims’ truth.
And this the exact reason why some women who have been victims themselves decided to side with/vote for people like Trump (even when he went on record saying —“…Grab them by the pussy”
Because at the back of the mind of the supporters/voters:
It didn’t happen to them.
His sexual behavior/temper will not affect them directly.
They then look the other way.
Similar is the case of other people across the globe accused of sexual misconduct and sexism too — Regardless of the gender.
Look at Hollywood and how they outed the likes of Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, etc. It wouldn’t have been possible if they didn’t take the accusers seriously. If the accusations aren’t heard, the accusers aren’t respected and the accusations are not properly investigated there is no way to get justice for the innocent party. And positively, the current trend has picked up where the accused — are being held accountable, immediately!
And no, I am not asking you to blindly believe every accused as — guilty. Because not everyone is. Instead, what I am telling you is this :
Innocent until proven guilty applies to the accusers too.
• So we should either respect the accusers and believe them.
• Or don’t take sides and wait for evidence to prove either of them lying.
But we should not call these victims/survivors ‘liars’ and take apart their character, just for looking for an excuse to put down the blame of what happened to them, on them. i.e. more victim blaming and shaming. Remember, the victims/survivors of sexual violence or domestic violence already go through the trauma, fear, anger, and guilt of it for the rest of their lives. Relieving their trauma in the form of PTSD and other forms of mental health & behavioral issues. It changes their personality and life forever.
Therefore, it is critical that people, especially those who themselves are survivors, tread extremely carefully while making their perception and comments about the women (and men) who come bravely forward to tell their story, seeking justice. At any given time, that person could very well be you. And it doesn’t feel good to be humiliated and slut-shamed and called a liar when you are not.
Think for a moment about this: If the victims are telling the truth. If they really are survivors of crimes they are accusing the other person of; and if everyone is victim-blaming them and calling them liars, and laughing at them and talking nonsense about them — Simply imagine the pain and fear they must be in.
And think of what this will tell other victims/ Survivors.
“Keep quiet. Because people will talk shit about you too.” Which people actually do.
This is also why the majority of sex crimes are unreported by victims/survivors of all genders. All you need to do is imagine — How would it feel if someone violated you sexually and the world laughs at you instead?
Every event that involves a survivor of sexual violence speaking up their truth, is watched closely by all others who have been scared to speak up and chose to stay silent. Every precedent, every attitude of people towards the women who speak up is closely observed by every other who was scared of the same thing happening to them. Every victim shaming pushes back survivors of sexual violence/misconduct into further silence. And it needs to stop.
There is a constant victim shaming in the society, towards women who take time to understand the abuse happening to them, or those who take time to report them. And are often blamed for being ‘opportunistic’. E.g. when women in America and now in India started calling out names of men…who they had worked for or within the past. There is always one constant curiosity in cases involving repeated sexual misconduct/violence spanning months or years “Why did she choose to go back into that situation?”, “Why did she continue to work with him?” and so on.
The answer to that is two words: Power Dynamics.
In these cases, the perpetrators hold the power to make or break the victim. their entire life and their career. They can cause loss of finances & even make them ‘non-hire-able’ if they dismiss the advances. And advances that mostly start of in a professional setting where the man/woman in power are well admired and wear the mask of ‘leadership’ are often difficult to understand initially when they turn into inappropriate behavior. Keep in mind the perpetrators attack their victims in ‘phases’.
Also, in power play, majority of times…the realization of the gross violence comes slowly upon the victim. Our brain deals with different events differently, and what goes through a victim/survivor during and after the event of sexual violence is absolutely unique to them. It is basic human psychology.
Besides, as an ‘outsider’ it is easy for us to be dismissive of the victims/survivors who come forward because we lack the compassion or understanding of anything that didn’t happen to ‘us’, an attitude that needs to change immediately; especially in women. If we want to eliminate Rape Culture, that is.
Personally, I have been raising this point over and over again. I believe that right now the biggest threat to women is — the complicit women — conditioned into normalizing misogyny, next to misogynist men who are torchbearers of Patriarchy. Because complicit women, conditioned into patriarchal social setting…hit rest of the women the hardest. And the women who despite themselves being survivors, support the rape culture, by shaming other survivors — they absolutely do the most damage.
They are the hands that hold you down the strongest, while misogynistic toxic men break your spine. And so the sexism enablers — regardless of their gender — need to be outed. No mercy
(I would like to mention that I am not bashing ‘patriarchy’ in this article, except for mentioning it only where required. Because in reality, the Patriarchal social setting isn’t as bad a concept at its core. However, unlike the Matriarchal social settings…the men in power subjugate women and strip women of all basic freedom and power, to the point of dehumanizing them. So if anything, I blame misogyny, systematic sexism, and outdated Gender norms)
The truth is :The people who rape, harass, assault, abuse their victims — are going to be ordinary people you are friends with, you grow up with, you are related to; they are not visible monsters with horns that you can easily identify. — until someone becomes their victim. Then the victim meets the monster. While for you, the ‘monster’ remains a normal loving person; seemingly ‘incapable’ of grossly violating someone. Yes, ‘harmless’, for you.
“Boys will be boys” and “Girls just have to take it.” — No More.
We need to stop weaving petty excuses for rape culture. And we throw the victims/survivors under the bus when they try to report it. The only people who win from this situation are — the Predators.
We are the top of the food chain because we hold the key to compassion & empathy. We are humane. The more we give an excuse of toxic male behavior as – biology- and entitlement, the more the society shall disintegrate. Because after thousands of years, women are finally reclaiming the rightful place that was taken away from them.
So how hard is it to teach our children to accept rejection with dignity? To live with humility and respect for each other!
We need to stop weaving petty excuses for rape culture.
We are setting up our boys to be predators.
And we are setting up our girls to be conditioned for predatory male behavior.
At the end, it is we who contribute to the failure of both boys and girls. We assume that women don’t have the authority to set up a personal boundary and men have zero maturity and control of their impulses.
It is time to change this narrative and start holding people accountable.
This is rape culture.
And this culture also promotes that “Men can’t be raped” too.
So it has continued to promote the behavior that ‘Consent‘ does not matter.
And we throw the victims/survivors under the bus when they try to report it and then we wonder why people keep silent for decades and never report their abuser.
The only people who win from this situation are the Predators.
Because we have structured our society around: ‘Excusing Predatory Male Behavior ‘as’ Masculinity‘
The core of the Rape Culture —
“Boys will be boys” and “Girls just have to take it.”
All that hate must be eating at your soul.
I wonder how shallow & meaningless your life must be if you hate people for who they fall in love with. How sad you must be!
You live your life with blatant disregard for how your thoughts & choices would affect people around your bubble, Yet you would forcefully impose your narrow & hateful lifestyle & belief as a pathetic excuse in the name of ‘God’. How faithless you must be!
“GOD MAKES NO MISTAKE” — so you say.
Yet you disrespect your God by picking on his own creations & children, implying my life & love as a ‘lifestyle‘. You disrespect my free-will given by the God you worship & then you take his name in vain! How hypocrite you must be!
You let other’s private happiness affect you.
So much that you go an extra mile to strip away my freedom, while you legally enjoy yours! How shallow you must be!
You call me an anomaly. You call my existence an aberration. But we are who we are.
That’s how we are created. That’s how you were created.
WE LOVE WHO WE LOVE. ❤
We are all souls :genderless and shapeless.
And I feel sorry that all this religion in the world,
Yet you haven’t figured that out yet.
You haven’t found God.
You are in darkness.
And the light inside my soul prays for the enlightenment in yours.
