And suddenly there was nothing left for us to say.

There was nothing left for us to say…
Because you decided to snatch all my words away and discarded them like they meant nothing. I meant nothing. I was chaos, and you were chaos, and we loved each other especially because of our chaos.

We just want someone to exactly understand us, care for us, and someone we can share everything. That isn’t necessarily only romantic, or lustful. It is pure and beautiful. It can be platonic. And that’s what you were for me, an anchor. Yet you made it your job to destroy one good thing and seek the kind of love that was capable of destroying me. And you relentlessly ran after it and me, careless and stubborn. And I begged you to let it go.

Yet somehow you decided to suddenly call it “too much”, call me “too much”. While I simply stood there, still loving all of you…your flaws and all your chaos too. And then I moved on, even though I have all the love still in my heart. Because no man is worth crying over who breaks you apart just to find his peace. No person ever truly finds peace by destroying the best feelings that fill their hearts, the best people who fill their souls. But good luck trying!

But you wouldn’t, you couldn’t. And like a kid seeking their favorite toy, you had me, you loved me but not in the way you love a human being with flaws and needs. You did claim to love me with everything you had in you. When you realized that I needed you, you found it too much to handle.

I wasn’t a toy that could be easily discarded and I know it disturbed you so much, not the fact that you were hurting me when I needed you the most, but that I wouldn’t let you leave in peace! And why would I have let someone leave so easily when they had promised to be with me, and promised a dream?

It’s funny when I think of it, that we are so much alike yet so different because I would have never shattered you, just to fix my pain. You understood me, yet you chose to break me. And I will never forgive you for it.

When you said to me “I love you, but I don’t feel anything for you.” and “I love you, but I can’t fight for you.” I couldn’t understand what you meant by it, but today…I do. I have grieved your love, I have grieved the dreams of our future together, and the expectations that I had from you. I have grieved for you. And no more.

You are dead to me. And I have burned the bridge behind me, and so when I look at you, I see nothing. I feel nothing. For you aren’t worthy of my pain.

I have gone through hell and come back breathing. I have crawled my way up through the darkest pits of time. No man shall ever break me. No love will ever steal my self-worth. No one is worthy of crying over when I have defeated demons and slain my own monsters. A person worthy of my love will love all of me. I am not too much to handle, just because you are incapable of handling my emotions and needs. As for me, I’ll never be too much for people who truly love me. And no, you didn’t. You didn’t love me.

You didn’t love me. Not really. Because that’s no way to treat someone you call your whole damn world.

♡ X O X O ♡ キツネ
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Sept 16, 2024 09:11 PM | 𝙛𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙖𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨.𝙘𝙤𝙢