It’s hurting ten times more

When the only thing ..you wanted to hear….after all the pain……suddenly becomes the reason….to make you so damn depressed again….making you remember…something happened……and you just can’t let go of the pain……all you want is to cry so damn hard….and just share your every burden…..with the person…..from where it started…..
But then you stop….and walk past him…..as if its alright……because you know…..he won’t understand….
And that is the last thing on the earth…..to cry in front of him…. and he would never hold you back ,wipe your tears and tell you that its all gonna be alright…..which would never happen….
So… .i wanna keep quite…and go on…as i have always done…as if nothing happened…..Damn!!!!!!……all i want is to get this freaking heart out of me and throw it away……….its all MY Fault……..He do not need to feel guilty for that…he do not need to say sorry for that……after all I was the one who fall in……and it will always be there…no matter how hard i try…..its just …won’t listen…..and it never had……..

Don’t know what I want right now. All I know is that I’m hurting so much inside that it’s eating me, and one day, there won’t be any of me left.

I just know that pain I felt so long ago, it’s hurting ten times more.